nitrogenarcosis (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} nitrogenarcosis) wrote,@ 2007-03-05 10:54:00 |
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Tabula Rasa
God/Allah/the higher powers of the universe are calling me to reexamine the way I look at things. I was thinking about how my approach to life didn't fit how I'm living now. I need to let go of those plans I had meticulously mapped out for myself in high school and start from a blank slate.
I've been at DVC for almost half a semester already. It's not very likely I'll be returning to St. Mary's. I haven't failed anything. This is just starting over. Starting over to make sure the next place I'll go I'll be more open-minded, stronger, smarter, and ultimately happier. Its okay to go slow. Maybe this is better for me, this slow approach. If you think about it, rushing to be "ahead" or "on time" with school, is really jockeying for stability when we leave the university. Stability and maturity don't always come together. My school or degree are only a small facet of how I will (not) choose to make my living - they don't define who I am. Graduating in four years will not make me happy. I need time to explore what I couldn't before. I need time because some things can only be learned through trial and error. I need time to repair my relationship with my family.
I've still got a lot of growing up to do. If I want to learn anything, I need to approach life like a child and let go of my preconceptions. Easier said than done, but like I said, I've got some time on my hands.
This morning, I also evaluated my thoughts toward growing up in Catholicism. I don't think I should automatically abandon all Catholic teachings in my desire to explore other religions and spiritual paths. It looks like most religions converge toward the same idea of "God" in spite of disagreeing over how to worship/acknowledge/interact with him/her. I read some tidbits about Gandhi and I was reminded of how no religion is perfect (e.g. - Hinduism and its caste system; Christianity marking GLBTQ, divorced, cohabitating with a stigma of "sinfulness"). I want to take part in the (oft-criticized) spiritual "buffet". I should feel no need to fit the idea of a "true" follower of (insert religion here) if it gets in the way of communicating with the higher power.
God/Allah/the higher powers of the universe are calling me to reexamine the way I look at things. I was thinking about how my approach to life didn't fit how I'm living now. I need to let go of those plans I had meticulously mapped out for myself in high school and start from a blank slate.
I've been at DVC for almost half a semester already. It's not very likely I'll be returning to St. Mary's. I haven't failed anything. This is just starting over. Starting over to make sure the next place I'll go I'll be more open-minded, stronger, smarter, and ultimately happier. Its okay to go slow. Maybe this is better for me, this slow approach. If you think about it, rushing to be "ahead" or "on time" with school, is really jockeying for stability when we leave the university. Stability and maturity don't always come together. My school or degree are only a small facet of how I will (not) choose to make my living - they don't define who I am. Graduating in four years will not make me happy. I need time to explore what I couldn't before. I need time because some things can only be learned through trial and error. I need time to repair my relationship with my family.
I've still got a lot of growing up to do. If I want to learn anything, I need to approach life like a child and let go of my preconceptions. Easier said than done, but like I said, I've got some time on my hands.
This morning, I also evaluated my thoughts toward growing up in Catholicism. I don't think I should automatically abandon all Catholic teachings in my desire to explore other religions and spiritual paths. It looks like most religions converge toward the same idea of "God" in spite of disagreeing over how to worship/acknowledge/interact with him/her. I read some tidbits about Gandhi and I was reminded of how no religion is perfect (e.g. - Hinduism and its caste system; Christianity marking GLBTQ, divorced, cohabitating with a stigma of "sinfulness"). I want to take part in the (oft-criticized) spiritual "buffet". I should feel no need to fit the idea of a "true" follower of (insert religion here) if it gets in the way of communicating with the higher power.
